Out of synch, aimless

My heart and my mind are out of synch. They are never quite in synch, but now it’s beyond any reason. I am so sick of it! They need tuning. My heart needs tuning, my mind is perfectly fine. My mind knows something for sure and my heart is fooling around feeling something else. Basic things like: he did it once, he’ll do it again. I know! Why miss him? Why ignore all the things I know (that are not in his favour) and miss him? Why miss him after we talked and miss him even more if we didn’t? And YOU! Undo your existence, will you please?! No, please, don’t just disappear! That’ll hurt too much. Been there… My heart is in synch with the weather today.

I have to drink more water. I have to eat! I am not saying I’m jealous of people who eat when they are stressed, but not eating is not a good solution either.

I’ve just realised I haven’t set any goals for this year. I don’t believe in resolutions, I set goals in the beginning of each ear. I write down all things I want to achieve or arrange. Usually there are six to ten things on the list. Then I think how to realise that. And I look on the list couple of times during the year to see how I’m doing. Usually I achieve everything I aimed for unless a goal becomes obsolete one way or another. This year I haven’t set any goals. I feel this lack of direction in everything I do.


Aquarium – All I Want

Timeline: 1986 – some great Soviet movies: Kin-Dza-Dza, Kurjer, Million v brachnoj korzine.