Sunday, 30 August 2009

Saying ‘no’ to a dinner is one of the most difficult ‘noes’ there are. No, I have no problems with refusing a free meal, no matter how exquisite. It’s saying ‘no’ to a man that is difficult. (Hmm, this sounds a bit dubious…) Especially to ‘no’ a man I like. I am very direct, but when I have to say ‘no’ I tend to hide behind hints, implicit answers and all kinds of signs. And we all know – implicit doesn’t work with men…

Anyway, I know why it’s so difficult – by saying ‘no’ I will disappoint, upset or even hurt someone. I don’t want to do that. So, naturally I try to escape, make it as painless as possible, risking to make it even worse.

What I wonder is: why does it have to be like that? Why is there a need to do that in the first place? Sometimes I doubt, but in many cases I am sure I didn’t do anything to suggest I am open to dating. But before I know, I either find myself being in a middle of a date (doesn’t happen very often, I’m quite alert) or having to say ‘no’. And then, why does saying ‘no’ in such situation have to be so difficult? I am being honest, careful, fair and all other right things. I don’t even have a choice! And while I do the very right thing I experience all these negative emotions: fear, guilt (!), doubt, shame (!), awkwardness, disappointment and even pain.

Is it just me? Or is this a downside of being a woman? Do men have the same problem?

I like this song a lot:

Anxious to go dancing on my own again…

Timeline: October 1990 – the first show “Pole chudes” is on TV. This is the very first Western style show on Soviet TV. It took a while to get used to.


  1. This specific problem is the downside of being woman ... what not means that man don't have simular ones, just not the same.

    Why o why do woman like to play with the no.. in these situations mostly a no means not a no, but man never knows what it does mean :):):)

    Maybe thats the difficulty with the 'no' ... your kind (rofl) spoiled it ;)

  2. NO means NO, but men are so good at interpreting it as a YES...

  3. Saying no to a man? No problem.
    Saying no to a woman? Mmmmmmm....I tell you when that will happen.....

  4. It's because people's self-esteem depends on the opinions and views of others (men or not). Most people are like that; just watch out for people that manipulate with these emotions and that you don't have to feel guilty for making your own choice.

    (I now feel like I'm responding to a young girl that writes letters to girl magazines about her personal issues... I almost want to advice you to read more magazines for women, especially the sections where women send in these kind of stories and dilemmas. They're quite hilarious.)

    The Dutch version of Pole Of Chudes (Wheel Of Fortune) was Rad Van Fortuin. It was horrible. Flashy clothes, way too happy faces and simple word games. How could you ever get used to that?

  5. I don't read enough glossies, that must be it! :D

    The words in 'Pole chudes' were quite challenging, but the whole concept was so new!


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