Saying ‘no’ to a dinner is one of the most difficult ‘noes’ there are. No, I have no problems with refusing a free meal, no matter how exquisite. It’s saying ‘no’ to a man that is difficult. (Hmm, this sounds a bit dubious…) Especially to ‘no’ a man I like. I am very direct, but when I have to say ‘no’ I tend to hide behind hints, implicit answers and all kinds of signs. And we all know – implicit doesn’t work with men…
Anyway, I know why it’s so difficult – by saying ‘no’ I will disappoint, upset or even hurt someone. I don’t want to do that. So, naturally I try to escape, make it as painless as possible, risking to make it even worse.
What I wonder is: why does it have to be like that? Why is there a need to do that in the first place? Sometimes I doubt, but in many cases I am sure I didn’t do anything to suggest I am open to dating. But before I know, I either find myself being in a middle of a date (doesn’t happen very often, I’m quite alert) or having to say ‘no’. And then, why does saying ‘no’ in such situation have to be so difficult? I am being honest, careful, fair and all other right things. I don’t even have a choice! And while I do the very right thing I experience all these negative emotions: fear, guilt (!), doubt, shame (!), awkwardness, disappointment and even pain.
Is it just me? Or is this a downside of being a woman? Do men have the same problem?
I like this song a lot:
Anxious to go dancing on my own again…
Timeline: October 1990 – the first show “Pole chudes” is on TV. This is the very first Western style show on Soviet TV. It took a while to get used to.