Last week the weather was fine, so we went to the park. Two adults, one child and one orange ball. We've spent no more than two hours playing games outside, but in my case it resulted in two days of excruciating muscle pain.
Yesterday it was raining so, obviously, we weren't going to play outside. I felt relieved. Not having sore muscles feels good and I already started getting used to this comfortable feeling. Video and computer games!
First I was allowed to watch while he was guiding SpongeBob, Sandy and Patrick through a number of obscure locations smashing all kinds of highly improbable items and collecting spatulas, socks and bikini bottoms (!!!) on the way. My head went spinning. "I feel dizzy." "Yeah, all adults do. I don't know why."
Then I was allowed to crush a monster house with a an excavating machine. "Use this to move back and forth and push this button to attack. If you don't know what to do, just read the instructions." After I died some seven times he took over and killed the monster house in less than a minute. My disappointment was overthrown by the relief I don't have to try anymore. I did have to watch him killing some more monsters for a while, though.
It was time to play together. Tennis. "Use this to move around, push this to hit the ball and this to reach out. We are on the same team and we have to win." I felt a slight pressure. After I missed the first fifteen balls he became impatient. "Dad, can you please explain her how to play?" "She will learn herself, she just needs some time." "Oh, thanks a lot! We have no time, we are losing!!!" By then the pressure was so high, I managed to hit the first ball. "OK, we have to win the next one. Do your best!" "Eh, ok." "Come on! Do your best!" "I am doing my best! This thing reacts a second after I push the button - it's too slow." "No, you are too slow!" I felt my shoulders strain. Looks like sore muscles after all.
Dinner time at last!!! "Why does she have a fork and I don't? Do you like artichokes? I don't. Take them away from me. And tomatoes too." During the dinner we were watching iCarly - an incomprehensible American comedy series for kids - with his commentary (because apparently he'd seen it before). I started getting a headache while trying to comprehend the incomprehensible.
When he started racing combined with shooting and killing the fellow racers I couldn't see the screen anymore. I turned my head away to have a little talk with his father. That's when I discovered that racing, commenting the race, listening to adults talk and take an active part in their conversation are the things a boy can do all at the same time. My concentration dropped.
We stole some paintings of Raphael and Da Vinci by cracking the codes, played games with visual tricks, laughed at some scary videos and chatted with his uncle and nephew in France. When I went to bed he was still playing. When I woke up he was watching SpongeBob on TV.
Next time I'll take him to a museum. See who gets tired first!