My head is spinning. Too many thoughts and things have gathered there and wouldn’t leave. For example the plans I dream of. Or the dreams I plan to realise. I can’t even keep the two apart. As a result I can neither dream nor plan. I keep switching from one to the other and never manage to finish thinking a thought. The same goes for the relationships. I have relationships I didn’t intend to have, but happen to have anyway. And I cannot make up my mind about whether I should keep or terminate them because I am too busy thinking of relationships I would want to have but that don’t happen or work out for some reason.
Reasons are yet another example. I keep on searching for reasons of everything that happens to me. I do that until I decide the reasons do not matter because they lay in the past and I cannot change the past so I should rather concentrate on here and now. So I do. But that never lasts longer than a day. In one day I collect too many question marks about my present state and then I want to figure out why this stuff is happening to me. I hope to be able to recognise the signals and prevent the chaos by studying the reasons. So I start from the beginning.
It’s like my mind is working in loops. Except they are not loops, but circles. Can anyone still follow me? Can I follow myself? I really have to get that puzzle done, so you get some entertainment from me and don’t have to struggle your way through this nonsense.
Look at this young beauty! Her name is Sasha. She has turned 12 today. Happy birthday! :)
Trivia: I started using cosmetics when I was 15 years old.