Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Happy, not guilty

A friend showed up at my place this morning. His face was gloomy, he hadn't slept for a minute last night. He told me about his problem. It was a serious problem, something with almost disastrous consequences. His life was rolling down the hill with ever-growing speed and he was rolling along.

I tried to find comforting words. Of course I will help him. I will do anything that's in my power. It's just I have so little power... I am almost absolutely helpless in the face of this problem. I made him some mint tea, listened, said that for every problem there is a solution and that everything's going to be all right. He went to catch some sleep.

I saw him to the door and before he left I felt some kind of relief. I was not glad he was leaving. No, that was not the source of my relief. Lifted by an enormous boost of energy I have caught up on correspondence, thoroughly cleaned the entire house, cooked, talked to some friends, washed several loads of laundry, epilated my legs, downloaded some music, played some computer games and did some more smaller things all in some twelve hours.

Somewhere in the afternoon I have realised that I feel very happy. And that both my happy feeling and my energy come from the same source - my friend's problem. I felt happy that I don't have any problems. I felt happy I have a life allowing me to clean the house (or do whatever I wish) on a Tuesday. I felt happy I can dance. I felt happy I have so many friends. I felt happy I have such wonderful parents. I felt happy I get all this attention from young men. I felt happy and that gave me energy.

I felt happy because a friend had a problem. Not that I was happy to hear he had a problem. But I was happy after I knew he had a serious problem. I wasn't happy for my friend because he had a problem. But the fact that he had a problem made me feel happy. His problem didn't make me happy. But I started feeling happy after I heard about the problem. So, in fact I was happy because he had a problem. Hmm... Anyway, I tried to feel guilty, but didn't manage. Should I try harder?

One of the songs I downloaded today: Nouvelle Vague - Guns of Brixton

1 comment:

  1. surely not! his problem made you relise how happy your life is and that is great to get reminded from time to time :) though i do hope all problems of your friend will be solved and he can feel happy too!


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