Today I've learnt that a friend of mine is avoiding me in Skype because he thinks I'm hitting on him. The guy has an impressive list of hobbies and is certainly a very interesting person to talk to, but I never considered him as a potential 'candidate'. So hitting on him was not my intention in any way.
But my intentions don't count. What matters is his interpretation of the way I communicate with him. The truth turned out to be very uncomforting. Do I appear so desperate? Apparently yes. Ouch! I had to hear it not from him, but from someone else. Ouch! Even though I have never considered him as a potential partner, this news sounded as a hard rejection. Ouch! (The latter made me smile when I realised it, though.)
I suddenly saw our chat conversations in a whole new light. So his questions about my love life were not triggered by his genuine interest. He was fishing for information to see how safe it was to talk to me. What about his questions about my work? And...? Ouch! I've deleted him from my list of contacts in Skype to give him back his safety.
I don't blame him. I myself have lost a bucket of Ben&Jerry's to a friend in a bet. I thought a man we both knew wanted more from me than a friendship. My friend said it was nonsense. Together we figured out it was nonsense indeed. Now she enjoys her Ben&Jerry's.
But I concluded that with my thirty six I still have to learn how to be spontaneous but not dominant, nice but clear, talkative but not tiresome, sociable but not annoying. Can anyone suggest a good book on the subject?
Time for some music: Bitter:Sweet - Salty Air