For the past seven days I’ve been acting as a psychological support hotline for a friend suffering from love pain. It’s a serious and time consuming task. I love him, I have the time, I’ll make the time. He was very helpful when I needed support earlier this year. But while I’m fulfilling this honourable task I can’t help but observe our interaction. Very interesting!
What happens when someone in love pain seeks your support? You listen and try to say something comforting. What do you come up with:
“The pain will go with time.” – does it help the person you’re trying to comfort? Not a bit! How much time?!
“What you feel and think is perfectly normal.” – So what?! How is that supposed to help?
“You have to go through this, it’s a part of the game.” – What kind of crap is that?!!!!
“Look for some distraction. Try to be among people as much as possible.” – People?! You mean all those happy assholes with partners and families?
I remember getting all this some months ago. I even remember getting angry at a friend because he said all these things that didn’t help at all. Why do I say all this to my friend now? I know it doesn’t help. Who knows? Maybe because there’s nothing better I can think of. Maybe because I know all of this is true. And maybe because I know that hearing a voice of a person (no matter what that voice is saying) is always better than listening to the silence of the great emptiness of your house...
Another friend called tonight. “I feel fine, but deep inside I miss something...” - she said. “You miss a man, don’t you?” “Yes... I miss J, G, N, P, even V and all the men I haven’t even met yet!” I didn’t know what to say to that.