It's official now. Have you ever had this experience, when you find out you had something after you actually don't have it anymore? When I was about 6 years old, they discovered I'd had a pneumonia after it'd healed. I was ill for a month or even longer and the doctors were giving different diagnosis and prescribing a different treatment every week. And after I was healed they came up with: "Oh, she'd had a pneumonia!" Now I can say I'd had a pneumonia once. This kind of things adds up nicely to my life experience 'CV'. The illness hasn't left any permanent marks in my life, it hadn't led to any complications. I am happy to find out I don't have it anymore. It just sounds heavy and important. Nice deal. I wish it were like that with all the things I lose without realising I had them in the first place.
So it's official. Definite. Clear. I am not in a relationship anymore. I am single. When I realised that, I realised I actually had a relationship. A serious one. It was so serious, I didn't even dare to see it as a relationship. I saw it as series of dates (some of them described on this blog), meetings, being together. But this all did form a relationship. I didn't end it. But it's over now. I'm free. It feels weird... I feel relieved. It feels good!!!