Wednesday 19 August 2009

Stranded

Ladies and gentlemen, due to a technical problem no train traffic is possible in and around Utrecht…

CHAOS at Utrecht Central Station. Long queues to fancy places like Ola (Swirl’s) and Starbucks Coffee. I bet they paid someone to sabotage the train traffic. No internet connection. No calling or texting to foreign numbers. One mms to a Dutch number takes five minutes to send (I gave up after one), one sms – two minutes (I’ll take that).

<--Actual train schedule at Utrecht Centraal - tabula rasa.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen, for your safety please refrain from sitting on the edge of a platform.
NOBODY moves away from the edges. People start picnics on the platforms.

Network busy. Sms sending attempt failed. Send again?

“Is there a bus to Gouda?” “I don’t know. It’s not on my list. There is a bus to Woerden, but there are no trains in and around Woerden either.” No wonder: Woerden is so close to Utrecht, one can WALK there!

Ladies and gentlemen, as an apology for the inconvenience NS offers you a free tea or coffee at the Kiosk. All of a sudden Kiosk becomes fancy too – a long queue. A woman in a red hat gives away small bottles of water.

Network busy.

“Is there a bus to Hilversum?” “I think so, but the train traffic will recover within half-an-hour.” “Are you sure?” “No.”

Ladies and gentlemen, due to a technical problem no train traffic is possible in and around Utrecht. It is still unknown when the train traffic will recover. What else is new?

People are going down to the platforms to get some suntan. Others are coming up. Red.
Reading in the sun.

Sms sending attempt failed. Send again?

‘Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’ ‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,‘ said the Cat. ‘I don’t much care where…’ said Alice. ‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,‘ said the Cat.

Attention, passengers on the platform 19, please move away from the edges of the platform – there will be a train passing shortly. WOOHOO!!!!! There will be A TRAIN actually MOVING along the platform 19! Everybody heads to platform 19. It doesn’t matter where the train goes, as long as it GOES!

Sms sending attempt failed. Send again?

Two trains on platform 19 don’t show any signs of life. All of a sudden a train on platform 18 starts moving. The crowd walks along. The train stops. The crowd stops. The train starts moving in the opposite direction. The crowd follows.

Ladies and gentlemen, due to a technical problem… NO WAY! You can’t fool us. The train is MOVING!

The train stops and opens the doors. “Where does this train go?” “Usually it goes to The Hague from this platform.” “It says Nijmegen on the train, that’s the opposite direction.” “Well, let’s hope it will not go THERE.”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the stop train to Amsterdam. We will depart to Amsterdam Central Station and stop at ALL the stations along the way. People get up, leave the train and enter the train on platform 19.

Sms sending attempt failed. Send again?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the stop train to The Hague. We will head for The Hague Central Station and stop at ALL stations along the way. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience. We would like to thank you for your patience… Blah, blah, blah. PLEASE, can we just GO?!

Battery low.

Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments we will arrive at The Hague Central Station… Thank God! I LOVE my bike!

Timeline: 1988 - I don’t remember much except for skipping school. In fact, I can’t recall being at school at all.

3 comments:

  1. Welcome to the real world of NS

    ReplyDelete
  2. To the NS .. the real world.
    To the rest of us .. NS

    ReplyDelete

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